Last week, one of my friends had a go at me for being on government assistance. It cut like a knife.
Of course I am deeply unhappy about being so in need of assistance. I have paid taxes for decades, and never begrudged others who have health reasons for being on assistance, but of course I feel terrible for needing anything from anyone. I’m supposed to be the good girl. the one who gives. The one who helps. The one who supports. It’s taken me a week to be able to write about this because the suicidal thoughts and feelings gripped me with the ferocity of a feral cat, shredding me from the inside out.
I’m sorry if this post is badly constructed. If I try to edit it, I will water down the feelings. Brutal, nasty, hard, shame.