Brutal, nasty, hard, shame…

Last week, one of my friends had a go at me for being on government assistance. It cut like a knife.

Of course I am deeply unhappy about being so in need of assistance. I have paid taxes for decades, and never begrudged others who have health reasons for being on assistance, but of course I feel terrible for needing anything from anyone. I’m supposed to be the good girl. the one who gives. The one who helps. The one who supports. It’s taken me a week to be able to write about this because the suicidal thoughts and feelings gripped me with the ferocity of a feral cat, shredding me from the inside out.

I’m sorry if this post is badly constructed. If I try to edit it, I will water down the feelings. Brutal, nasty, hard, shame.


6 thoughts on “Brutal, nasty, hard, shame…

  1. Rachel, there is nothing wrong with accepting help. If we don’t accept help, we end up with our heads in a different world. A world we really don’t want to be in. Friends can offer emotional support, but when in need of financial support we have no choice but to go to what’s available and that is Government Assistance. Unless people walk in your shoes, they should not be so critical and ‘jealous’ of you. Take care xxoo

  2. I’m really sorry for you. I’m only rather young, but my parents are on government assistance because my mum has mental illnesses, and it’s always been difficult to try to explain to various friends and people that your parents don’t work and get money off the government. People are constantly like ‘But she seems fine?’ and ‘But can’t she just do something simple? It can’t be that that bad.’ But it is. So yeah, I guess what I’m saying is I can sort of understand in a way, and I hope you don’t feel so alone maybe from reading this. ♥

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s