I’m sure there is at least one poor, unfortunate soul out there wanting to be more like me. Surely one at least. I’m basing this on the amount of time people I know seem to spend trying to be something other than who they are. Also, the extraordinary amount of mainstream media hype about how to be healthier, how to look better, how to act like the majority of people. Sure, there are headlines telling us to be the best we can be, but inside that line I hear as loud as anything else, you need to be told to be this because hey, you’re not. Not yet.
My Labrador Sally is still recovering from her desexing op. She did some running this morning while I held my breath and hoped she didn’t hurt herself. It’s so much like having a two year old child.
I haven’t done any editing this week. I am determined to spend at least an hour editing today. If I can just wake my head up.
I’ve found a new way to write! This is a new-to-me, exciting way to write a diary every day and includes doodling, stickers, and all kinds of fun pens and pencils. What is it? So glad you asked! I’ve discovered fauxbonichi. Yes, I had no idea what it was either, or maybe you know exactly what it is? I was watching the usual amazing YouTube videos about art and book making, and a video popped up on fauxbonichi.
I’ve kept a personal journal for many years, and every now and then I just stop journalling for a while, as I have now. This time, though, I haven’t done any daily regular journalling for months. Admittedly, I wasn’t able to replace my journal with the same type I always use, which made me much madder than it should have! I have been using the same style of journal for years and I am addicted to the feel of it. Not having the right journal really upset my head. Screw it, I thought day after day, I just don’t want to write in the lesser journals I’d found. My inner child had a lot to do with this I reckon. For me there’s a lot of inner child in journalling, and so having the right materials is absolutely necessary.
Fauxbonichi is not a brand of journal, although there is a brand called Hobonichi which is the original and genuine version of this home-made version called fauxbonichi. I may work my way up to the real thing, but for now I like the idea of freestyling, as always.
I have ordered the most popular journal used for this daily dairy doodling journal, which is the MiquelRuis one from Barnes and Noble in the USA. Yes, it was cheaper to buy that and have it sent here than to buy one here in Australia. I love a bargain. In the meantime, I’m playing at faubonichi in my 2015 diary. I have joined a Facebook group and there are some truly talented people in there, making their daily lives come to life with words and doodles and stickers and paint. Bring it on, I say!
If you’d like to see my progress, check out my Facebook page by clicking here.
happy writing x Rachel
- Housework… I decide that I absolutely must do some housework. Usually something that can wait, or that has been on my list for months. I get this sudden ridiculous desire to clean out the fridge.
- Family… I decide that someone in the family needs me to take care of them in some way or another. Cooking, taxiing, supporting, you name it, I’ve used it as an excuse not to write. We’re not talking broken limbs here.
- Facebook… I mess around on Facebook or YouTube and use up all of my qwt (quality writing time). Such a dumb choice, except when I’m reading about blogging, writing, editing or other useful stuff.
- My dog, Sally… I absolutely adore my labrador. She is gorgeous and such a temptation when I should be writing. She happily sits beside me while I write, with lots of opportunities for pats. So, no excuse for slacking off my writing to play with Sally.
- Cooking… which I no longer truly love doing. I have been a good cook most of my adult life and I’ve enjoyed cooking in the past but now, really, I do it so we can eat good yummy food, not because it’s loads of fun.
I’m still doing the 5:2 fasting way of eating. This morning I weigh 94.4 kg, down from 67.6 kg at the start 9 days ago. I’m on a fast day today, so I should drop some more weight soon. Fasting is not as hard as I thought it would be. Today is the first day I’ve woken up keen for my fast day and not scared at all. Being a foodie, I was afraid before that I’d be so hungry I’d get ‘hangry’ which is the word for hungry angry, when you want to do an impression of the Hulk if you see food and you can’t eat it because you’re hungry.
As it turns out, the fast days are easier than the non fast days because I’m still struggling with how many calories to eat on a non fast day. Believe me, there are a variety of opinions on this topic. Some people follow the 500/2000 method. Others do a calculation using their BMI to get to the number of calories they should eat on their non-fast days. This number is usually around 2000 if you’re pretty overweight like me, but it can be much less if you’ve already lost a lot of weight. I know, I’m not being very precise. Some people in the Facebook groups eat only 1200 calories on non fast days, saying this helps them lose regularly. Others say if you eat too few calories you won’t lose weight. Then there’s the clean eating, the fat eating to lose weight, the vegan way, oh wow, everyone has an opinion.
Here’s what I’ve eaten so far, just the dates and the calories: 30/6 500 – 31/6 1594 – 1/8 2072 – 2/8 650 – 3/8 1415 – 4/8 388 – 5/8 1467 – 6/8 1894. It’s easy to see how I keep wavering between wanting to eat 1500-2000 calories. Make a decision, woman, and stick with it!. I did notice someone in one of the groups was eating 1500 some days and 2000 other days. Maybe I’m one of those. Maybe that’s okay. Maybe I need a cup of coffee. I’m hungry. It’s almost time for lunch.
My head is officially in lala land. The flu started it I think and now a crisis in my greater family. Teeth grinding. Crazy sleepy. Random unhelpful thoughts taking hold. A desperate feeling that I need a new project to pour myself into in a manic way. Dizziness. Moodiness. Shame blame and more shame blame.
The trick is to relax into the calm the meds are trying to give me, journal the crap as it rises to the surface, try to remember I am the one who decides what I do and when I do it and who I do it with.
I’ve closed my Facebook down for a while. Logged out for the foreseeable future. That has helped a bit already. I’m spending time with my dog and trying to stay active. Playing happy music. Watching happy dvds. Gardening, which is like a magic health balm for my soul. Eating fresh mandarins from my tree. Keeping away from junk foods almost entirely.
Most importantly I’m trying to remember it’s okay to tell friends and family that I need help. Even if that help is to accept my silence without judgement. Yeah. It’s complicated.