It’s Really Hard To Write Today

It’s really hard to write today.

My life is choc a block full of…

I am trying to be positive…

I don’t know how to handle all of the things that are happening…

I’m tired of being positive and coping with life with a mental illness, and now I have a shocker of a new diagnosis; cervical cancer. Tests, multiple doctor and specialist visits, biopsy, god only knows what next because I have to wait another week to find out what stage the cancer is at and what treatment I need. Not a happy camper.

be you xx Rachel

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Taking Charge of My Own World

Life truly is awesome when you do what you feel you’re meant to be doing. For me, this has involved rejecting a whole truckload of shoulds and oughts. In the last twenty four hours, I have been having big realisations about how much I’ve put on myself in regard to who I should be, what I should be doing and how I should be doing it.

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I read a lot. Reading is one of my favourite things in the world, but thanks to my MI, sometimes reading can mess with my head. When I’m manic, I sometimes read quotes by famous people about how life is great if you make it so, and I start to pile all kinds of shoulds and oughts on myself. I should be happy, because, after all, all of the books say that happiness is a choice. Crap! If I’m depressed or manic/depressed, I’m here to tell you that telling me to choose to be happy is about as intelligent as telling a diabetic to spontaneously produce enough insulin. No can do, sunshine.

Something I’ve learned to do is to hit the blogs and Facebook pages of other people with BD, and read how they make their way through the dark times. Humour plays a big part in this, especially the ability to laugh at your own moods, reactions and choices.

be you xx Rachel