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It is complicated

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My head is officially in lala land. The flu started it I think and now a crisis in my greater family. Teeth grinding. Crazy sleepy. Random unhelpful thoughts taking hold. A desperate feeling that I need a new project to pour myself into in a manic way. Dizziness. Moodiness. Shame blame and more shame blame.
The trick is to relax into the calm the meds are trying to give me, journal the crap as it rises to the surface, try to remember I am the one who decides what I do and when I do it and who I do it with.
I’ve closed my Facebook down for a while. Logged out for the foreseeable future. That has helped a bit already. I’m spending time with my dog and trying to stay active. Playing happy music. Watching happy dvds. Gardening,  which is like a magic health balm for my soul. Eating fresh mandarins from my tree. Keeping away from junk foods almost entirely.
Most importantly I’m trying to remember it’s okay to tell friends and family that I need help. Even if that help is to accept my silence without judgement. Yeah. It’s complicated.
rk

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4 thoughts on “It is complicated

  1. Rachel, love, I’m so sorry to read you’re struggling. It does sound like you’re doing all the positives you can to keep going until this Thing decides to pass. Whenever I have been ill I experience a mood change shortly after. I think it’s quite common.
    Your pup is so beautiful, and there’s nothing like a warm puppy snuggle.
    I do think staying away from Facebook is a good decision! I wish I were able to do the same!
    I’ll miss you there, but I’ll watch for you here, and try to cheer you on when I can.
    One day, one hour, one minute at a time. One little bit at a time.
    I’ll be thinking of you ❤️

  2. Hey Rach, Sending you hugs right now, will be thinking of you. You are very much loved and appreciated, glad that you are doing what you need to do to feel better. We all have our times when we need to sign off and take care of ourselves. Just know that special spot in my heart for you will always glow!!
    Love always Cath xxoo

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