OMG, I am trying to put up a simple wire fence in the garden today, but the manic head is just pinging me in all directions like a pinball.
You know that feeling when you just can’t settle? So far I’ve come up with ten new schemes for how to make this fence, wasted hours arguing with the voices in my head, gone back to wanting to do it the way I originally sketched it in my gardening journal, yelled at my husband, yelled at the dog, yelled at the chooks, yelled at the fence.
So now I’m in self imposed exile, at the computer, trying to write my way through this moment when I feel like I’m a blowfly banging into the window buzz, buzz, buzz trying to get out of my own head.
How do you escape from your own head? I want to scream, cry, lash out, tear down a wall. I did that once, in a manic space; I tore down a lounge room wall because it just really seemed like I had to do it, no ifs or buts. My family stood around watching me wield a sledgehammer, tearing at the plaster, leaving it all on the floor in a heap. Fortunately, under all that mess it turned out that there had previously been a doorway and so after the manic mood subsided, I was able to clean up after myself fairly easily. It’s not always that easy to cope after a manic ep, though.
I want out of this headspace. Now, please.
be you xx Rachel